Cannot Handle It

Some of you know, and some do not, that I sometimes obsess a little bit about my weight. Good, bad, or indifferent, I am always at least aware of my weight and shape. So I decided to start training for a 10K so that I would focus more on strength than on the number on the scale. It started out well, but now that I'm a couple of weeks into it, I sure can run harder and longer than I ever have..but I'm also gaining weight. I know some of it is muscle gain, and some of it is straight up needing more reserves/energy to burn to run that far and long. I went from running 8-10 miles a week, to about 20 miles a week.
However, I think part of it is also my letting myself eat what I want. This probably sounds pathetic, but it somehow feels better to blog about it. I cannot handle gaining weight like this, even when I understand what it's for, and know I can drop it all after the race. It makes me irritable and angry at myself all the time. I just don't feel good when I gain weight. And I have no energy when I lose it all. AHHGHGH!
So, there is my whiny, "poor me" post. Sorry you had to read it :)